Boogers, zits, and a healthy dose of vomit

That about sums up the mostly cringy, live-action part of Osmosis Jones, whose – quite extraordinary – animated scenes seem to have flown under my radar for a good 16 years.

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Death Metal. Furries. Weltschmerz.

If any of the above makes you feel all giddy inside, Aggressive Retsuko is the panda you should be looking up to.

 

Don’t let her gentle demeanor fool you. She will eat you up and spit you out. In her mind.

Relatable.

You wouldn’t give it to them at first glance, but Sanrio – from Hello Kitty fame – can actually create some bad-ass mascots.

Say hello to Gudetama, the coolest, cutest, most depressed egg ever.

My hero.

WET makes me moist – [soundbyte w]

At least, the soundtrack does, with its plethora of excellent licensed music. This is grade-A car radio material.

 

On the other hand, the game itself, with its acrobatic gunplay and clunky swordplay, made me rather furious at times.
While it has insane action and lacklustre storytelling – much like Total Overdose (2005) and Stranglehold (2007) before it – WET (2009) became such an unwieldy mess on higher difficulties – when trophy hunting required extreme precision, absurd Fingerspitzengefühl, and an unhealthy amount of luck – that it really made me reflect on where I was going with my life.

Those tunes though.

Seizure Warning

I… I don’t… I can’t… my game brain is overloading.

Music choice aside, what a feat to stuff this many obscure and/or mainstream video game references into one short but excellent AMV, courtesy of SpeedoSausage. Not a stranger to the more edgy stuff that floats around the web, he even managed to throw in some totally random J-pop culture.
Blink and you miss it.

I’m not crying – [soundbyte v]


Proof that Ubisoft can provide gripping experiences without relying on franchise exploitation.

Valiant Hearts.

Point and click adventure on the outside, emotional roller coaster on the inside.

Set during the First World War, you are confronted with the worst and the best life on the edge has to offer, accompanied by the giddiest and tearjerkiest tunes this side of the trenches.

Try it.
It’s educational. It’s inspiring. And I’m still not crying. I’m really not.

I expected a golden drop

This is what I churned out during my toilet break today. The irony is strong in this one.

PlatinumNumemon, patron of the ultimate shit.

#screenshotsaturday

N Sane in da M Brane

The long wait is over.

Your favourite mentally challenged furball is coming back to your home screen, in all its ‘remastered plus’ glory.

June 30th is the date to mark, and expect an extremely touched up PS4-worthy Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy, comprised of Crash Bandicoot, Crash Bandicoot: Cortex Strikes Back and Crash Bandicoot: Warped.

What a time to be alive.

Unlimited Frustration – [soundbyte u]

Unlimited SaGa.

Oh how I wanted to love you so bad.

Superb curves, in an age where you paid extra for the slightest alteration. Smooth self-introduction, gorgeous on the eyes, a delight to listen to.

2002 intro showing off sketch motion technology

But whenever we got into a fight, you became so unwieldly. You were the opposite of putty in my hands. More like a clump of radioactive waste with jagged edges protruding everywhere.

To me, you were the harbinger of vile randomness, the scourge of many a roguelike nowadays. But let’s not get into that today. I want us to remember the good times.


This song is pure SM

Digimon World – Next 0rder

I fucking love Digimon.

I also fucking adore the Digimon World games.

Don’t ask me why. There is no explanation. You might as well try and find out what drives a Brony, who in their right mind believes in a purple-blue Super-Saiyan God Super-Saiyan, or when a Diglett with a tuft of hair sounds like the revolution we were all waiting for.

It might have something to do with controlling a poop who eats poop and throws poop at others. I’m not sure.

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Put your money where your mouth is

Or, like, have a look at some excellent Humble Bundle deals.

Do you love the awesomeness that was Secret of Mana, and you need something similar on the go? Or maybe you fancy some more Shadowrun?

Are you hooked on oldskool and newskool Star Wars games?

No wait, you want to have epic adventures in Enslaved and Tales of Zestiria, drive and fly around in Project CARS and Ace Combat, and munch some ghosts in Pac-Man:

Ah I see, you want worth for your money. Then check out this super mega ultra cool assortment of games and comics worth 600 bucks!

Too much strain on the eyes? Read a Valiant comic!

Had quite enough of these mundane happenings? HACK YOUR WAY OUT!