“ALIENS”

So I binge watched and binge played everything so-called ‘canon’ Alien out there, and this is my conclusion:

A few minutes is all you need to appreciate the little things in life.

 

* * * * *

 

ALIEN

(1979/2003)

 

 

A few minutes in, and I’m happy my PS3 can still function as a glorified blu-ray player, if purely for classic movies that got the audiovisual clean-up treatment.

 

Glorious High Definition.

 

 

* * * * *

 

ALIENS

(1986/1992)

 

A few minutes in, and I’m glad modern home theatre systems are able to perfectly mimic or even improve upon cinematic surround sound from the comfort of your couch: They’re coming out of the goddamn walls!”

 

 

* * * * *

 

ALIEN³

(1992/2003)

 

A few minutes in, and I’m delighted that what my younger self considered to be the sad, weak part of the franchise, suddenly became a whole lot better with the advent of the Assembly Cut. Even though I don’t agree with all of the changes.

 

 

* * * * *

 

ALIEN:RESURRECTION

(1997/2003)

 

A few minutes in, and I want to punch Ron Perlman in the face. But that voice though.

 

Punch it hard.

Punch it hard.

 

 

* * * * *

 

PROMETHEUS

(2012)

 

A few minutes in, and I want to kiss Michael Fassbender in the face.

 

Or do I?

Or do I?

 

* * * * *

 

ALIENS:COLONIAL MARINES
(2013)

 

A few minutes in, and I praise Jesus, Zeus, Allah, the flying spaghetti monster and all other deities for the existence of a modding community, who unbreak everything that needs fixin’.

 

 

* * * * *

 

ALIEN:ISOLATION
(2014)

 

A few minutes in, and I’m thrilled that someone, somewhere, knew how to pick up the ball, tackle the Alien franchise, and score a touchdown.

 

That's all I'm giving ya. Play the game.

That’s all I’m giving ya. Play the game. Feel the thrill.


 

* * * * *

 

ALIEN: COVENANT
(2017)

 

Two hours in, and it pains me to watch the credits roll without Sigourney Weaver‘s name in it, whom I thought would re-invigorate the Alien epic.

 

Instead we got Dumb and Dumber.

* * * * *

* * * * *

* * * * *

 

In the end it all boils down to this:

Aliens are nasty, and it’s Sigourney Weaver’s job to tear them all a new one.

The A-team. Wink wink nudge nudge.

The A-team. Wink wink nudge nudge.

 

Originally published on: Nov 1, 2016

2 Comments on ““ALIENS”

  1. Immensely enjoyed the first two on blu… best video / audio cleanup ever seen on a classic movie. Blu ray was invented to preserve such classics 🙂

    Found Prometheus both hauntingly familiar and … well alien. Enjoyed it, especially in 3D. (Filmed in 3D, no ripoff conversion)

    Not so sure I want to see Covenant… they’ll ruin Prometheus the same way alien 4 tried to ruin the classics.

    • Couldn’t agree with you more! What are your thoughts on the Assembly Cut of Alien 3?
      I prepped my Alien-first-timer girlfriend with the notion that it would probably be the most off-putting movie of them all (I clearly remembered only the few good parts of A4), and boy was I wrong.

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